How to Avoid Getting Interviews with Your Resume

Want to make sure you don't get interviews, despite the fact that you are sending out as many resumes as possible.  Follow these tips and even if you send out 100 resumes a day, there is not a chance that you'll have to waste time going for an interview!
  1. Use a general Objective - Use an objective that could be applied to any type of job.  Say as little as possible and try not to reveal any information about the kind of job you are looking for.
  2. Skim over the details - Be general in your job descriptions and don't give them any details about what you are capable of or what you have done in the past.  Especially don't tell them about projects that you have brought in under budget or how you saved a project from being late.  Make yourself seem like any other employee in your field.
  3. Don't give details about the companies you've worked for - Just assume that they will know who the company is and what they do.  
  4. Give them every job you've ever worked at - Even if it is not relevant, give them a complete work history from your first paying job to your last.  It will make your resume longer.
  5. Write in the third person - Make it feel like a story.
  6. Give them personal information - Tell them about your fantasy league baseball team and your passion for the art of piercing.  Sound interesting.
  7. Skip the date your received your diploma - Just telling them you have diploma is enough.
  8. Don't bother to spell check - Just get it out in the mail or on their desk so you can have as many resumes floating around out there as possible.  Punctuation is no big deal either.
  9. Use a resume blaster - The more resumes you have out there the better.  It doesn't matter if they are getting to real people that are hiring - just get it out there by any means possible.
  10. Don't worry about what the ad asks for - They don't really care if you email it as an attachment or apply through their company site.  That stuff is only in the ad as a suggestion.  Again, just get your resume out there.
  11. Make it pretty - Use some pretty colored paper to get their attention or give it some funky tabs or a fancy cover page.  It will get their attention.