Thursday, June 27, 2013

Get What You Want When You Ask for It

Can you actually ask for what you want and get it?  Of course you can.  I’m sure you’ve noticed that for some people it happens all the time.  They want a raise; they ask for it; they get it.  They want a week off of work; they ask for it; they get it.

And it isn’t just because they are the boss’s favorite or because they are **s kissers.  They use techniques that increase the chances of getting what they want when they ask for something.

Here are some tips to help you get what you want next time you ask for it:

  • Try to stay away from negative vocabulary.  When you use negatives it comes across as being negative.  Makes sense right?  So, avoid words like “not”,”don’t”, and “won’t”.
  • Ask questions that come across as being understanding and sympathetic to the needs of the person you are speaking to.  Ask a question that begins with, “How can...” A good example would be, “How can I make it easier for you if I was to take a week off work?”  This puts the person you are speaking to in a more collaborative frame of thought.
  • Make it appear to be to the other person’s benefit to give you what you want.  Don’t threaten them or provide them with ultimatums.  If you’re looking for time off you might start off by talking about how much more productive you felt after you came back from your last vacation.   Follow up by mentioning a big project you did and how much effort it took.  Then ask them what it would take to make it feasible for you to take another vacation.
  • Always put their interests first.  If they can see the benefit in it for themselves they will be more likely to give you an answer you like.


You know, it is funny but now that I think about it this is exactly how my mom gets what she wants from her husband.  By the time she’s done talking to him, he always thinks it is his idea to go on vacation or to buy new furniture!


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